I’m Dying

assume-the-position_fade_whiteI went to the doctor for a check-up. He said I was perfectly healthy. Well, I knew better.

“C’mon doc,” I said. “No more sugar-coating. Give it to me straight. How much longer have I got?”

He replied, “If you keep taking care of yourself, you’ll most likely be around for another 30 years or so.”

How depressing. I’m dying. I always suspected I was. Now I knew for sure, from an expert. I walked out of his office, and suddenly, all my priorities shifted. I felt a need to say “I love you” to strangers. I felt a need to suck more life out of life. I felt a need to hurry up, and slow down, at the same time.

I eat approximately 1000 meals per year. Which means, according to my doctor, I only have 30,000 meals to look forward to before I die and my remains are placed in a dropbox and carried away by security to the great casino cage in the sky.

What if I knew that my next supper was my last? Or my next bite? Or my next chew? Would that change the flavor of a tomato? Let’s do some round numbers — 30,000 meals times 50 bites per meal times 10 chews per bite equals 15 million chews. Okay, that does it. My chews are numbered. I can’t be hanging around here. I need to finish up this post and go have breakfast. And when I do, I will re-resolve to pay attention to every last bite as if every bite was the last.

 

12 Comments

  • Pal Sport Posted October 13, 2009 11:00 am

    Beautifully done!

  • Bryce Posted October 13, 2009 1:05 pm

    After being diagnosed with terminal cancer, the great Warren Zevon said he learned to enjoy every sandwich. Great advice.

  • Short-Stacked Shamus Posted October 14, 2009 8:23 am

    Read this as I ate lunch at my desk. (Excuse me for typing with my mouth full.)

    You really give us something to chew on.

  • Bogdan Posted October 14, 2009 9:10 am

    Funny post, but true.

  • Hambone8705 Posted October 15, 2009 11:44 am

    So if you knew that your next meal would be last, what would you eat?

  • Tommy Angelo Posted October 15, 2009 11:49 am

    “So if you knew that your next meal would be last, what would you eat?”

    All desserts, mostly chocolate ones.

  • Dayne Posted October 18, 2009 6:05 pm

    If I knew this would be my last dinner, I don’t exactly know what I would eat…. but I know for sure that I WOULDN’T eat that horrible Korean dish I had last week at Commerce!!!

    -Dayne

  • Yorkshire Pud Posted October 20, 2009 1:29 pm

    Maybe you could just eat chocolate from now until your last day and instead of chewing just let it melt in your mouth.

    Would your 15m chews carry over to the next life I wonder?

  • Tommy Angelo Posted October 20, 2009 3:57 pm

    “Maybe you could just eat chocolate from now until your last day and instead of chewing just let it melt in your mouth.”

    Brilliant!

    “Would your 15m chews carry over to the next life I wonder?”

    I think they would, not that it’d matter since I’d probably come back as a cocoa plant.

  • karbyn Posted October 21, 2009 9:53 pm

    “So if you knew that your next meal would be last, what would you eat?”

    pussy

  • Poker Holdem, Online Poker Posted January 21, 2011 11:13 am

    Very funny dude and next meal would be last hahahahaha

  • Frank Posted September 6, 2011 3:01 pm

    Perfect! They are all perfect…

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