Enter the Yak (a Poker Zoo story)

Dear reader: I wrote the three Poker Zoo articles back when online poker was brand new and everyone was going crazy over it in some way or another.


Everyone remembers the day the Yammering Yak showed up at the Poker Zoo, with buggy sunglasses and his cap askew. The $20-40 limit hold’em game was just starting up. Yak sat down and pulled out a fat wad of cash, making as sure as he could that everyone saw it.

Yak looked at the Dealing Dog and said, “How many hands do you guys play in this dump? I can do 800 hands per hour at home, on my computer, in my underwear. And no tipping.”

This was not necessarily the best first thing to say to Dog.

The Logical Llama said to Yak, “I have a few questions I’d like to ask you about this internet poker.”

“Me too!” said everyone else.

Yak said, “Anything you want to know about anything to do with poker on the internet, or tournaments, heck I’ve even met Antonio, anything you need to know, I’m your guy. Just ask me.” The Yak was pleased to be on center stage.

“Here’s what I don’t understand,” said the Bumbling Bee. “How can you play poker if you can’t even smell the other players?”

“Or spit at the dealer,” said the Snide Snake.

“Can you change seats?” asked the Nimble Newt.

“Here’s what I want to know,” said the Tragic Trout. “Is there a bad-beat jackpot?”

“Enough with these trivialities!” said the Logical Llama. “I have some pressing, urgent questions for our new young friend.”

No one spoke.

“I find it fascinating that you can play at more than one table at a time.”

“Right,” said the Yammering Yak. “I usually play about ten tables. There are some guys who play—”

“And you’ve got blinds coming around at different times at all these different tables, right?”

“Yup, it’s intense. The action is always coming at you. It’s like you’re—”

“So, at any given time, you’ve probably got the button or you’re in the cutoff on at least one of your tables, and those are good positions, right?”

“Absolutely! Position? I’m all about position. Position is probably the—”

“Here’s what I’m wondering.”

“What’s that?”

“Do you pee in a jar?”



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